We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
