her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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