it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
