If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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