His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
