I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
