Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
