jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
