I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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