i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
are you so shy because you have an std?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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