new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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