Me too!
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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