I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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