Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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