woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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