GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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