I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
