For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
