Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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