omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
