Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
