Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
