He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
