Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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