you have to choose: penises or morals?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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