Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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