did you get engaged???
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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