woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
