Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
