Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
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I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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