Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
