I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Randomize
