o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Boobs are out for the taking
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
