dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
