Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i already hear my dad disowning me
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
