when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
So I just went to clothing optional bar
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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