Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
