He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
