how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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