Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
