i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
