I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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