yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
