I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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