He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
