Only a mothe r could love this liver
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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