does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
