I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
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I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
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Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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