I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
