Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
