You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Just fell off a train. Bad.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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