I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
