It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
She's the barista slut.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
