guys are not supposed to queef...right?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
