If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
