Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
