I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
