I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
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