You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
