you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
