we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
